Ten Things About Beards.

Well, to be honest, I’ve forgotten how long I’ve had the beard for now. It must be at least two months though. Here are a few things I’ve learned:

1) Having a beard makes you an instant member of The Secret Community Of Beard-Sporters. We may not mention it to each other when we meet, but by God, we’re thinking it.

2) You find yourself checking out every beard you pass and mentally grading it for style and quality.

3) Beard-stroking becomes a pastime in itself. You can spend literally hours doing it.

4) Moustache-twirling, doubly so.

5) Having a beard makes me about 10 times more photogenic. For one thing it completely hides the pale expanse of double chin. For this reason alone I’m actually considering keeping the thing. I’m also glad there are no grey hairs in it, considering how quickly they’re taking over my actual head.

6) Apart from a brief experiment in 1991 I’ve been beardless for most of my adult life, so having one suddenly starts to look like a radical life-changing decision. People genuinely look at you like they’re seeing you in a different light. Which, technically, of course, they are.

7) They make you feel more manly. Someone on FU said I looked like I was “capable of satisfying whole villages of women”. I wouldn’t go quite that far, obviously, but there’s definitely a sense of uninhibited “manly freedom”.

8) The beard itself has several different parts to it. I have favourite bits. I like the soft patch underneath my chin, I like twirling the weird longer hairs on either side of my neck; I like gently brushing the thicker hairs on my chin with my fingertips; I like reshaping my moustache and brushing the hairs in different directions; and I like the soft downy hairs below my ears. I gave Wol the Guided Tour the other day. I think she enjoyed it.

9) It’s fucking great to not have to shave.

10) And one final note – what’s the name of that condition where you can’t help plucking out your own hair? I think I have a mild tendency towards that – I can’t stop pulling out the hairs around my chin. Occasionally I go too far and have to pluck the other side to even it out. Not sure anyone has noticed though.

Project X-4: Edinburgh Festival Blog.

Mission accomplished (so far, anyway: http://edfilmfest.blogspot.com/

Dammit, how do you links, anyway?